January 2025 is all around us. As the last year ends and a new year begins, some of us will have made new year’s resolutions aiming to enhance and enrich our lives and others will be thinking about what they wish to achieve this year.
Whilst goals and aims are a beautiful thing, can we be mindful of the pressure we put on ourselves when it comes to the idea of “a new year, a new me”?
If we set ourselves goals we do not meet, how do we respond?
If you find you typically become over critical, view failure as something negative to be avoided rather than a learning experience that took courage, if you struggle and push away from difficult feelings that arise, then it may be helpful to see 2025 as the year where you invite in some self compassion.
Here’s an exercise for you to try out to explore for yourself:
How would you treat a friend?
Read each step fully before moving on to the next - you can write your responses down to bring even more awareness to this exercise.
Think of a time when a close friend, family member or someone you care about was struggling or suffering in some way. If this is hard, imagine someone you care for, or a pet/animal you care about, is struggling or suffering in front of you.
Take some time to bring the scenario to your mind. Imagine how they seem, what they look like, what their expression is, what their body language shows - bring the image to mind and spend some time with it.
Now, consider how you would respond to them. What would you say, what would you want to do? Note your tone of voice and how you speak to them, how you behave. Spend some time doing this now before you read the next step.
Think about times when you have felt bad about yourself, or are suffering or struggling in some way. Consider how you typically respond to yourself - what do you typically do? What do you typically say to yourself? How do you speak to yourself? Notice your tone of voice.
If there a difference between the two, ask yourself why? What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others differently?
To end the exercise, think about how things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way to how you respond to those you care about.
This exercise is one adapted from a version created by Dr Kristen Neff and can be found on her website alongside other useful resources to help cultivate self compassion. Self compassion invites you to be moved by your own suffering, to become sensitive to it and motivates you to alleviate it by offering yourself the same care you would another. If you find this helpful, consider making this year about increasing your contact with this skill and reach out for support if you need it. That in itself is an act of self compassion and could be the start of your journey for 2025.
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”- Jack Kornfield
Comments