Attachment Trauma: A new way back into connection

Attachment trauma isn't always one dramatic event. More often it's what happened in the ordinary, daily moments of childhood, the times your behaviour and feelings were too much for someone, not right, or not enough. The times you learned that care and attention came at a price, or that asking for help wasn't safe.

If you grew up like this, your body probably still remembers it, even when your mind has closed it down or convinced you it's ok. It might show up as:

- Feeling unsettled the moment something gets emotionally close.

Young man looking down, upset in therapy

- Feel rejected when people take their space.

- Needing to be in control, or finding it hard to ask for anything at all

- Relationships that start well and then quietly fall apart

- A body that stays braced even when nothing is currently wrong

None of this means something is broken in you. It means something adapted, a long time ago, to keep you safe. The work now is helping that adaptation loosen its grip.

How we work with it

Trauma isn't only a story your mind tells. It lives in the body too, in a tight chest, a held breath, a nervous system that's stuck in high alert. So part of the work is physical, slowly reset the nervous system, learning what safety actually feels like in your own body, before we ask you to look too closely at what hurt.

We also believe healing happens between people, not just inside one person's head. This is the interpersonal part of our approach (Functional Analytic Psychotherapy). Much of the work happens in the relationship with your therapist, in real time, because we observe how the old wounds can show up in this caring relationship, and it's where therapy can help you create and practice a different way of relating.

We help you build a life that isn't run by fear, even while the fear is still there. That's the ACT part (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Not pretending the fear is gone, but learning what kind of relationship nourishes you, how you want to show your love and moving towards this.

So what's new?

Power to Live has just opened an Attachment Trauma service, funded by the National Lottery. This means sessions are free for people who join us. It's an in-person service, based at our centre near Liverpool Street, London.

We're looking for people who recognise themselves in what's written above, and who are ready to start this work in person.

If this sounds like you, or someone you care about, you can find out more and refer yourself at www.powertolive.uk

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*This service is not set up for emergencies. If you're in crisis right now, please contact the Samaritans on 116 123, NHS 111, or 999, rather than waiting for us to get in touch.*

National Lottery Community Fund